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Construction Definitions

  • ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE:  The cost of construction in heaven.

  • BID:  A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

  • BID OPENING:  A poker game in which the winning hand loses.

  • LOW BIDDER:  A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

  • CONTRACTOR:  A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

  • PROJECT MANAGER:  The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

  • STRIKE:  An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

  • COMPLETION DATE:  The point at which liquidated damages begin.

  • LIQUIDATED DAMAGES:  A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

  • AUDITOR:  People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
  • LAWYER:  People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

  • DELAYED PAYMENT:  A tourniquet applied at the pockets.