You know you're getting old when . . .
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere.
- Your little black book contains only names ending with M.D.
- Your children begin to look middle aged.
- You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
- Your mind makes contacts your body can't meet.
- A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today".
- You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
- You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist and 96 around the golf course.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- A Fortune Teller offers to read your face.
- Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty face.
- The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.
- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- You get exercise acting as a pall-bearer for your friends who exercise.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.